Akbar was as smart as he was obese. Supposedly he tried to establish a new kind of Ganga-Jamuna tehzib but failed miserably. Along the way, he became a slave to overeating and kept putting on pounds after pounds.  Not just Akbar but the deprived Mughals put their hands on anything edible and ate like pigs… most likely they had never seen anything edible other than desert cactus and camel intestines.  The feasts were probably not because of their sophistication but because of their hunger and desperateness.

Hungry Hippo – Akbar’s Obesity

Akbar’s fatness was well-known. A large amount of jaziya tax collected from kafir Hindoos would be spent on staffing the kitchens and preparation of foods.  Hindoos would probably be employed in the kitchen and brown saheb sepoys would probably beat them to a pulp if fatty Akbar’s taste buds were not fully satisfied.  Akbar might have washed down the kafir delicacies with desi daru and todi – much of the production might have gone straight to the Muglai kitchens.

Akbar’s Love For Vedic Biryani & Mango

Akbar is believed to have a sophisticated palette. He’s known to have fallen in love with the Indian mango (TATA BigBasket claim). It is speculated that he liked to pair up foods – opposites such as hot and spicy with calm and cooling.

It is a well-known fact that even though pasmanda muslims are treated like third-class garbage by the ummah, it is fashionable to trace one’s ancestry to Turkey and other depraved desert lands.  Akbar might have hailed from some desert cult that had not seen much other than sand. He had probably never seen spices or biryani nor yogurt or mangos. Akbar had probably never set his fat, greedy little hands-on rice as it doesn’t grow in the backward ass place he was from.  No wonder he instantly fell in love with the kafir produce and cooking.

He eventually became a slave to his tongue. He’s also thought to have developed many sexually transmitted diseases and some say that he eventually lost interest in the occupants – men and women – of his harem. The war booty might have looked less and less appealing as he tended to syphilis and herpes.

Can we really blame Akbar the glutton for falling in love with all things kafir? Legend says that when Akbar was buried in Bhartiya soil, millions of kafir insects and microbes fed well on his decomposing remains for months.  This is a success story in #GharWapsi.

We are eternally grateful to the jihadi pasmandas at big corporations who continuously remind us of the duffer Mughals and their obsessions with all things Hindoo.

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