How did things get so bad?
Now I cannot even remember the time before this loudmouthed Holocaust in spectacles, more dangerous than Macron, burst into our lives.

It all started with us choking over our gin and tonics at the Gymkhana discussing this vintage mongrel nobody with no pedigree from nowhere.
And now there’s nobody at Gymkhana and he’s everywhere.
I mean he’s been intolerable since Times Now. We put up with him only because he was supposed to go away, like Delhi Belly. And we did manage to drive him out of Delhi. Then he ran away to Mumbai to start his two penny Punch and Judy show. Still we put up with him. We tolerated his histrionics with Tharoor. And we thought if we ignored him and blind articled and memed him into ignominy he would go away. But he just didn’t!
And look where we are now. He turns up every day like a bad penny, with a new catastrophe.

He’s made a dog’s breakfast of basic journalistic protocol every intern knows about.

1. You don’t report sadhus. Not unless you need to pass off a beheading as tantrik human sacrifice. Or there’s a Baba racket with solid credentials to expose. How Arnab reported Palghar, how he dwelled on it! Unbelievable, washing our dirty linen in public like that. Ripped to shreds the dignity of a noble profession. And then he took the holy name that cannot be uttered, even by the most devout. You don’t expose nobility like that. It’s sacrilege, just not journalism. So shameful.

2. And then he completely lost his marbles during the SSR thing. I mean does he not know the rules? What was he thinking? And then he starts screaming around taking more names, challenging everyone, waving his arms like a deranged lunatic. What does he have? A death wish? Well he’s sure asking for it isn’t he.

3. And people are watching this atrocity! Every day in ever increasing numbers! Unbelievable. How can you blame the TRP rigging? Don’t even ask how dire the situation is. We are circling the drain here. The most respectable media houses, the most iconic of journalists now have the viewership of my granny’s Facebook account. It’s not only this nightmare called Arnab. The whole benighted majority has gone crazy. What are they doing to us? You don’t change things like this. There’s an ecosystem here. There are rules, pecking orders, protocols. We built this country. We have bills to pay, salaries to give, children to put through Ivy League, legacies to pass on. You can’t do this to us. We’ll wipe our feet with you.

4. People in Pakistan are watching him and not us, would you believe it? They tune in by the lakhs to watch Pakistanis get screamed at. It’s a media bloodbath I tell you.

5. Look what he did in Hathras. All that planning, all that money riding on the campaign. Investigative journalism my left Gucci shoe. Investigative journalism is a figment of Arnab’s diseased imagination. There, I’ve said it. Just going to leave it out there. Tragedy is, you can’t even get this Ramsay brothers horror sacked. He owns the damn channel.

And how useless this PBS is, can’t even find a little dirt. Shooting himself in the foot everyday. We are tired of his self goals. Botched up SSR, botched up Arnab, now Pragya is singing like a canary and the ruddy nation is not only watching, it really does want to know. Not only have the unwashed masses learnt to read and write they now have access to the truth. Abominable! The middle class is dead! Risen as zombies with an unquenchable thirst for our blood. And we all know who is responsible for this.

Not since Independence has the fourth estate been in such a pitiable condition. Never have we been held to ransom like this by a runaway motor mouth.We’ve got to lock up this monstrosity. And throw away the key.

The night is dark and full of terrors.

Is Kala Paani still operational?

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