The legitimate (by Chinese standards) Xi Jinping died on October 23, 2022. A few moments later, an illegitimate child, also named Xi Jinping, was born and was appointed “Chairman of Everything” immediately after birth. It is usual that an adult is appointed as the regent when an infant is crowned. But it is more usual in China to expect the unusual and this was no everyday event. The last time it happened was when Mao was Chairman of Everything and at that time the Law and the Constitution, the biggest headaches for emperors, had not yet been born. So, Mao was never born legitimate or illegitimate and this question cannot be safely asked even about Mao’s birth as an emperor because he was born from the barrel of a gun. He transformed China into a giant canon that could be fired at his will and the Chinese were fodder for this canon. A whole ot of his sayings are famous as having been enshrined in the Little Red Book of Mao’s Thoughts. Even when a Constitution was formally born, the Red Book trumped it fair and square in legitimacy. One of the most “famous” of his speeches delivered on November 18, 1957 in the context of nuclear armageddon is a prime example of his sagacity and comapssion. “If the imperialists impose war on us, we now have 600 million people, even if we lose 300 million, so what, this is war.” For any patriotic leader, as Mao certainly was, the cost of 300 million coffins and funeral expenses was a small price to pay for the pleasure of causing graver harm to the enemies. The cost could actually be much lower as half of those bodies would be evaporated by the heat of nuclear blasts and so would not need coffins and funerals. Sadly, the nuclear war never happened and his conventional efforts like the Great Famine and the Cultural Revolution could kill only a paltry 50 million.

Xi Jinping has higher goals than the start-up enterprise of the upstart Mao, who was born to peasants (actually wealthy farmers) while Xi was born a prince. With his sharp and unsparing approach towards those foolish enough to cross his path, he became in 2012, “The Prince”, a legitimate one, when Hu Jintao, who had been president for a decade, voluntarily and peacefully handed over power to Xi. The gratitude of Xi for this magninimity on the part of Hu was ample but not infinite and the last drop drained out on October 22, as Hu sat next to Xi at the CCP’s National Congress. Two bouncers of the CCP materialised out of nowhere, grabbed the 79-year old Hu and showed him the door. Like any great leader, Xi watched the “farewell” impassionately being in full knowledge and command of this grisly massacre of an old man’s legacy. It was exceptionally praiseworthy that this event, which would have caused shock and mayhem in that hall in any democracy, was witnessed by the 2300 delegates as impassionately. While Mao could not fulfil his dream of getting 300 million Chinese killed, Xi had successfully chewed on the souls of 1400 million, converting them into automatons who think and work but are not allowed to feel.

After the crowning of an emperor, even though illegitimate like the new Avatar of Xi, some ceremonies are essential to demonstrate that though the emperor is new, the teeth of the state have been duly embedded in the mouth of the inborn and can bite as viciously and even more fiercely than the ones in the old mouth. Traditionally, the vassal states line up with tributes and gifts and declare their allegiance and wilingness to kiss the new bottom on the top throne. The line-up and the gifts were impressive. First in line was the Mayor of Shanghai, holding a rather large tray and as a minion removed the cover, the huge gift on it glittered and sparkled as cameras flashed. A crystal ball in the shape of the Coronavirus but also reminding of the smirking visage of Xi, each of its spikes capped by a diamond, rested heavily on the prostrate city of Shanghai, all its skyscraperrs horizontal, dark and foreboding. A short while ago Xi had been proclaimed the “Covid Emperor” that being his royal title henceforth. His power was there for all to see with the mighty city, the economic powerhouse and soul of the resurgent China created by Deng, now lying crushed under the new emperor. Xi raised his hand to acknowledge the gift and waved it away, with the the mandatory synchronised, thunderous applause following.

Next was the Chairman of the Hong Kong Stock Exchange. His gift showed blood dripping down a sabre contorted in the shape of the figure of six, the number associated with the Devil. It symbolised the bloodbath at the Stock Exchange which plummeted by that many per cent as the happy news of the coronation made its way to the bourse, making it kowtow with a harder head-knock than it had done in 13 years. The glittering commercial capital created by the capitalist Britain was an affront to China and its sheen had been successfully taken off by the National Security Law; at that time also its index had plunged by around 6 per cent. With this latest success of Xi’s policies, this territory is almost at its destiny, fated to live as the Dragon’s dysfunctional appendix. “Mission accomplished” made Xi happy as he acknowledged and waved away the remarkable gift. The Chairman of the Central Bank of China followed with the image in gold of a melting Yuan and with his head bowed low, he declared the happy tidings that the national currency has slipped to a 14-year low after the news of the illegitimate birth and enthronement of the new Emperor. Xi’s smile grew a little bigger; this meant that more money was flowing out of China. Since only his favourite party officials and their families have bagfulls and could send these out, it was a cause of great satisfaction. Putin had drawn a lot of praise for the size and price of the yachts of his favourites and Xi, not the one to take things lying down, had managed so far by whispering half-lies about the wealth of his oligarchs. Now the oceans and ports will be awash with the yachts of his loyalists, much bigger and pricier than those of Putin’s. Moreover, money abroad is better than money in a dictatorship for who knows tomorrow! Also, lesser the stacks of US dollars in China, lesser is the US power to influence China. Some were so naive as to say it will make imports more expensive; that is a small price to pay to help your loyalists buy their yachts.

With all the hectic events of the day, Xi showed signs of need of some rest, the interval during which he generates all those brilliant thoughts that have now been embedded in the constitution, much like Mao’s thoughts. The ceremonies shall continue for the next few days with gifts of models of tombs of the real estate sector, the banking sector, high-tech industries, particularly the chip industries, the private education sector, the high-speed rail and many others. Xi’s mantra of “common prosperity” is well on track; the rich Chinese shall soon be as prosperous as the poor ones.

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