Reporter: Sir, do you know Neeraj Kumar has won gold in Javelin throw at Olympics?
Pappu: Yes. Of course. But do you know why he won the Gold medal?
Reporter: No Sir. Please elaborate.
Pappu: He always followed my tip of rubbing potato on his Javeline before the game. And see, how the potato got him the gold medal.
Reporter: Then why did you not give the same tip to others.
Pappu: I did give the same tip to the Hockey team and P.V. Sindhu. They did not value the wisdom, see they had to settle with bronze.
Reporter: Sir, Now I accept your deep wisdom. I now understand your ability of identifying the true value of potatoes which we all have underestimated so far.
Pappu: Yes. You should communicate to the contingent to rub potatoes on their hockey sticks or badminton rackets before playing any match. It will surely get them Gold. All should value my saying “
Put potatoes on one side and get gold at the other”
His Majesty’s Holy Widow(HMHW) enters the class room (as teacher).
Students: Good Morning Ma’m.
HMHW: Good Morning students. Today we will learn to classify secular animals from communal animals.
Students: Yes Ma’m.
HMHW: Pappu, can you name a 100% communal animal?
Pappu: Ma’m, Cow. Cow is a 100% communal.
HMHW: Very Good. Kapil, can you name a semi-communal animal.
Kapil: Ma’m, Dog. I think a dog is 60% communal and 40% secular.
HMHW: Very good. Chami, can you name a 80% secular animal?
Chami: Ma’m, horse. Horses are greatly secular. Horses keep fasts just like secularists.
HMHW: Very good. Pinki, can you name a 100% secular animal.
Pinki: Camel. They keep fasts. Camels have played a great role in slaughtering infidels.
HMHW: Very right. I love your intelligence, Pinki. I am banking on you to fight all these communal wrecks and upholding the sacred green banner of secularism. All of you should follow the below rules for differentiating a secular animal from a communal animal.
- Rule1: Any animal used for slaughtering infidels is secular.
- Rule 2: Any animal worshipped by infidels is communal
Students: Good Morning Ma’m.
HMHW: Good Morning students. Today we shall learn the difference between secular crimes and communal crimes.
Students: Yes Ma’m.
HMHW: Listen to the below rules very carefully and all of you should follow the rules.
- Rule 1: Suicide bombing has no religion, but others have a caste.
- Rule 2: Rape is a rape only if the girl is a Dalit and the boy belongs to some upper caste.
- Rule 3: If Rapist belongs to the secular community, then Rape has no religion.
- Rule 4: A rape is a rape only if it occurs in a communal state.
- Rule 5: Any crime done by peaceful secularists has no religion
- Rule 6: Rape of an upper caste girl is a holy and pious act.
Media Head: Taliban has taken over Kabul. Dear reporters, today we shall understand the differences between good Taliban and bad Taliban.
- Rule 1: Good Taliban kills people by shooting, but bad Taliban hangs the dead body and does a photo-op after the incident.
- Rule 2: Good Taliban doesn’t lash the women who move out of homes in public, bad Taliban does.
- Rule 3: Good Taliban imposes Shariat with a human face.
- Rule 4: Good Taliban does only occasional plane highjacks.
- Rule 5: Good Taliban threatens on Gajwa-e-Hind only when Indian Govt proposes to reduce investment in Afghanistan.
So, all of you should promote the Taliban as “doing great service to the human race” by eliminating all non-believing people who anyways would have been thrown to hellfire after their deaths.
Pappu: Mamma, I am bored.
Mamma: Have you stopped taking cocaine?
Pappu: No mamma, I don’t find fun in cocaine now. I need fun in my life. Life has become depressing.
Pinki: Me too, I am also bored like Pappu. No charm, nothing in my life. I have drunk full 3 bottles since morning, still feeling bored.
Pappu: I have an idea. We have a house in Punjab. What if we set it on fire?
Pinki: A great idea, people will run around, come to us asking for help. We will have some importance.
Mamma: Go and set it on fire. Also put barricades on streets so that no one can come and extinguish the fire.
After some time
Pappu: The fire did not last long. It got over very quickly.
Mamma: Ok. Why don’t you try our Raipur house.
Pinki: Our Raipur house is small. That wont be fun.
Mamma: We have a bigger house in Jaipur. Both of you will enjoy the fire there.
Pinki and Pappu: Great idea Mamma. Lets all go to Rajasthan and have some fun there.
Nehru: I have thought of an idea to make me immortal.
Nehru: I want to name my self and be called Chacha.
Gandhi: Wont let that happen. Unless you find something for me, I cannot let you run away.
Nehru: (after few days) Have found a good term for you.
Gandhi: What is that?
Nehru: You will be called Bapu.
Gandhi: Good, you become Chacha and I become Bapu and keep ourselves immortal
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