There is a wise, diminutive man, all brain but little brawn. He has many friends in places far and near, burly men with no brain and only brawn. The little man Taiwan values their friendship. Taiwan would not have needed the help of these big bullies with their 6-pack abs but for a singular event long time ago. Taiwan got married to a neighbour, the lithesome lass now named She. She was named differently at different times and as the times and her names changed, she grew in size and arrogance. Though married, they never lived together and then one day, when She was called Miao, she moved into Taiwan’s house taking complete control. Not liking the idea of living with such an uncouth person, Taiwan moved to a house in the next block, across a narrow patch of water. Miao, now called She, was not pleased and has been upset with Taiwan ever since threatening to cook the latter’s goose. Her brawn has grown all these years as she loves cooking and then eating what she has cooked. Taiwan swears that if anybody else ate her cooking, there will be disastrous days ahead. She is fond of a line from Astrix comics. The Gauls had gone to France to participate in games and Obelix saw a person throwing a ball up and wiping his mouth shortly thereafter while there was thunderous applause in the stadium. The simpleton Obelix asked the Frenchman standing next to him, “What did he get?” He replied matter of factly, “A bird on the way up, a frog on the way down.” Seeing the puzzled expression on the face of Obelix, the Frenchman elaborated, “We have a saying; if it moves, eat it.” Maybe, She was a mademoiselle in Paris in her last birth.

Taiwan is also fond of Astrix comics and though he is mostly alone, he is never lonely because of these illustrated books. She reminds him of the fat, dominating character Impedimenta, wife of chief Vitalstatistix. By virtue of being wife of the chief, Impedimenta appointed herself the leader of village wives, much like a Collector’s wife does in India during the short reign of her husband in the district. Impedimenta declared her own self to be the best cook in the village, mush like She. She calls her neighbours barbarians and wants Taiwan to join forces with her to dominate all else in the area, much like Impedimenta.  The Astrix character claims that due to her position, she will not stand in a queue and will be served before anyone else. She’s minions too claim that She is big (a fact clearly visible to the eye) and others are small and this fact makes her right to priority almost axiomatic.

Like any large wife with a diminutive husband, She too can destroy her husband but does not. He is a good provider even when living separately and keeps providing even as She threatens him with destruction everyday. She spews fire like a dragon and most of the hot air goes over the head of the small-statured Taiwan. She is particularly worked up about friends of Taiwan who seem to be the source of boosting his morale to the extent that Taiwan was smiling when She was scolding him on a video call. One particular friend is very worrisome for She; a rich spoiled guy who lives across the pool that has been so peaceful so far that it is called Pacific. She has been saying that she will take control of this pool and won’t let this bearded Uncle Sam, as he is endearingly called by everyone far and near, sleep in peace. But it is believed that Uncle Sam never sleeps because he has friends all over the world, as well as some enemies like She. So he gets calls all the time from friends who need help and advice and some threatening calls from the likes of She. But all this is beyond the comprehension of She because she is all brawn and no brains to facilitate a friendly disposition towards anyone.

While She was still fretting and fuming about the nature of relationship between Taiwan and Uncle Sam, which wife will not when there is the slightest indication of her husband being too thick with another man, another bolt of lightning hit her. She was taking a walk along the little strip of water that separates her house from that of Taiwan and feeling irritated that the water body was named after Taiwan, the diminutive apology of a man and not after her even with her unmistakeable large presence in that neighbourhood. The lights in Taiwan’s house were on and She presumed that the rogue Sam would be visiting. Then She saw Taiwan emerge from the house, immaculately dressed in his best suit and wait. This was odd beyond words, Taiwan never waited for Sam who always entered without knocking, just sneaking in. She waited with bated breath and within a minute, a woman, of all people, arrived in a big car. Taiwan was all excitement, made a big bow and led the woman by her hand into his house. She furiously called Taiwan’s housekeeper who was on She’s payroll and gave information to She about all that happened in Taiwan’s house and even about what did not happen. The house keeper assured her that the visitor was a wrinkled hag, 82 years old but also hinted that Taiwan was fawning all over her. Now for a woman, a female rival is a female rival, 18 or 82. She sent a scathing email to Taiwan, spewed some more fire that sent a lot of hot air towards Taiwan’s house forcing him to leave the bewitching visitor for a moment to adjust the air conditioning, attributing the heat to global warming.

The housekeeper is a double agent conveying what happened or did not happen both ways across the water. Taiwan was duly informed about the jealousy shown by She and Taiwan immensely enjoyed the discomfort he had caused to She. He promised himself to repeat the performance. Maybe, next time the visitor will be somewhat younger.

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