Free for all California public school students: At least two meals a day – the Los Angeles Times, August 15, 2022

Joe Biden was pacing up and down the Oval Office frowning at everything around him. He had tried all tricks in the big bag that Hunter Biden had brought for him from China. The tricks, well tested and tried for a decade, were gifts from Joe’s old friend Xi Jinping. But America is as different from China as China’s national bird Red-crowned Crane is from the Bald Eagle. Providing enough food became Xi’s (Red) crowning glory. If Joe had boasted of that in the US, the eagle would have clawed him all over. While Xi is boosting car sales in China, Joe is trying to cut down on cars, at least the cars that move on roads. Xi is buying the entire oil left surplus in Russia by Joe’s sanctions while Joe has closed down pipelines and the fracking fields. As Joe was lost in thoughts, Hillary entered and exclaimed, “Ah, to be back in the Oval Office!” Without taking his angry eyes off the big bag with a giant panda on it, Joe hissed, “You never occupied it!” That was ominous, Hillary thought. Then she noticed the big bag that was the source of Joe’s wrath. Any trouble with the Panda, she asked. “Bill was lucky,” Joe said. “In his days at the Oval Office, the Panda was weaker. Now he is all jaws and claws. I am nearing 80 and I cannot chew bamboo shoots to entertain the Americans. What do I do?” Hillary noticed that Joe was pleading while trying to retain the dignity of the Presidency, as any captain of a sinking ship will. Hillary was pleased; she was always willing to help as long as the price was good. There is no free lunch.

“I hope you remember the Clinton Foundation and my daughter Chelsea who heads it now. Both have complaints that your administration has been neglecting them. Well, I am here to help you and not to complain but I thought I will remind you.” Joe clenched his teeth and nodded. The nod of the US President is very powerful; it moves mountains and purse strings. Hillary felt comfortable. After all, the Clinton Foundation was family’s bread and butter, leaving Bill free of financial worries to indulge in his favorite pastime, a hangover from his Oval Office days and the days spent on Jeffrey Epstein’s Island of Sin. “Look east”, she repeated the phrase that she had repeated repeatedly as Secretary of State for Obama to cement his Pivot to the East policy. “But east is China and they accuse me and Hunter of looking too much at China,” Joe lamented. Hillary placed her diamond-encrusted fingers patronizingly on Joe’s drooping shoulder. “China is Far-east, Joe. India is the forever East, the worshippers of the rising Sun.” Looking at the puzzled expression on sleepy Joe’s face, Hillary elaborated, “There is a Grand Old Party in India, like the one we have here, our rivals. They ruled for three decades, splurging and burying the country and its people under debt. Then, an opposition emerged with one slogan: ‘We shall remit individual loans’ and guess what, they won the elections in state after state.”

Joe touched his forehead, why was it that Hillary always expounded what was already in his head? If it gets into the media, she may become very popular and throw her hat in the ring once again. Whether she wins or Trump does, Joe will be out. He quickly changed the topic as he called for some coffee. I have spoken to George Soros, he said. He will be sending another $50 million to your, I mean Chelsea’s Foundation and he expects ten per cent of it to be spent on charitable causes. Hillary nodded, these charitable causes tend to be such a waste but you cannot get useful money without this waste. Joe got down to work as soon as Hillary left. It was all over the newspapers next day. The US will remit hundreds of billions worth of student loans. Many questions were asked: Where will the money come from? Will it not be unfair to those who have already repaid the loans? Will it impact the recovery of future loans? Joe was ready because all of these questions had been already asked in India and the voters had answered these with their ballot papers.

The writing had been on the wall for a long time but the fellow democrats had been keeping the ancient source of wisdom a secret from Joe, particularly that headlines catcher Gavin Newsom of California, who does not realize that the first right over the headlines should be of the first citizen and the first lady. He opened the pavements of Los Angeles to the homeless as the politicians in India had been doing for decades. Then he got kudos from all the leftists, socialist, liberals, blacks, reds, browns, that is, everyone who is not white, for allowing them to stay in hotels and providing them with drugs not forgetting the reusable syringes. That was certainly an improvement on India providing free one-room tenements to the public land squatters. These apartments were promptly sold off and the same people came back on some other public land awaiting the next allotment. Of course, the sale proceeds of the apartments provided for drugs and syringes. Then Newsom copied another Indian idea and there were howls of protests from Indians who wanted payment for their Intellectual Property Rights (IPR). Indian kids did not go to school because parents wanted them to help earn a meal. India thought that giving them a meal will attract them to school and the “mid-day meal” scheme was born. Teachers, who were wasting their time in teaching, overnight became cooks, serving hot meals to students. Of course, all cooks are gluttonous crooks and bulk of the meals went into increasing the teachers’ bulk who became the then ruling party’s ardent supporters and voters.

Without giving a hint to Joe, Newsom announced California Universal Meals Program for school children. Bald Eagle, the national bird of the US eats bigger morsels than the peacock, the India national bird. Newsom is providing not only lunch but breakfast also with $150 million set aside for setting up kitchens and converting staff into crooks, I mean, cooks. Whatever Newsom can do, Los Angeles can do better to justify its ownership of Hollywood. The Los Angeles Times reported that this district will now provide three meals every day to all students. After all, 81 per cent of public school students in the rich Los Angeles suffer from food insecurity. It has not been decided as yet whether the dinner will be delivered to the homes of students or they will be paid taxi fare to come to schools once again in the evening for dinner and some entertainment. The program is likely to generate so many votes for the democrats that it has drawn the attention of the reluctant leader of Indian GOP who is likely to be “compelled” to become party president as her mother was compelled once upon a time. It is gathered that this “young” son of his ageing mother-leader wants to sign an MOU with Newsom for re-importing this Indian idea from California, marking a new chapter in Indo-US cooperation. Meanwhile, the young leader has promised to pass on to Newsom the secrets of his party’s flagship program with a long acronym MGNAREGA, that guarantees wages to those willing to be photographed digging holes in the ground with spades and coming back again for the same work when the rains have pushed the earth back in the holes, thus giving the program an air of perpetuity. Newsom too wants permanent help for his homeless and has ample space in his state that can be dug up to make it free of forests that are the venue of the fabled annual California fires. As the mid-term elections in the US draw near, Newsom has shared with Joe the details of his conversation with the young Indian leader and Joe has agreed to make it a national program that is likely to be christened FAGS (Failed Americans’ Guarantee Scheme). Hunter Biden has assured Joe that it will ensure the votes of the entire LGBT community for the Democrats.

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