After being blamed for his role in almost everything these days, Patriarchy calls up Hypocrisy. Given that minions of Hypocrisy a.k.a Hypocrites outnumber all other minions such as Patriarchs, Misogynists, Feminists, Marxists, Socialists, LQBTQIA+ Activists and assorted Equality Activists, Obscurantists, Atheists etc. Hypocrisy is the current Chairman of the Board of Directors of our society. Any grievances of the members of the board are to be brought under the consideration of the Chair and should be resolved.
H: Hey man. Whats up?
P: I got a bone to pick with you. What’s this I hear about your minions taking my name where I got no business?
H: What’re you talkin’ about? What’s wrong?
P: Don’t jerk me off! You know what I’m talkin’ about.
H: Seriously dude, I have so many minions it’s hard to keep track. Just chill and tell me what happened.
P: Its your minions is Bollywood. They’re giving me a bad rep for no goddamn reason. What the fuck did I do?
H: Oh that. Lol.
P: Don’t get cute with me! You knew about it and yet you played innocent.
H: I cant help it. Its in my nature. Dude what can I do? You must understand it’s a difficult time for me with all these sanghi, chaddi, hindutva brigade walas calling me out all the time on every topic. I wish they all died.
P: That’s your problem, why make things difficult for me? We have a very comprehensive contract that while we do share the same target audience, one entity’s actions should not cause damage to the other. Then why did you backstab me like this?
H: Cant you take one for the team?
P: What? Bitch I was happy living in peace. Nowadays, every second day I hear my name being maligned for no reason. Things I got nothing to do with are being attributed to me. This is not done. And its you. You are at the centre of this. If only you could scale down your operations a little bit, it would benefit the rest of us a lot. But no, you have got to be in every person, all the time.
H: Just because I sound like a bitch that doesn’t mean I’m a female. That’s gender attribution which stems from your patriarchy.
P: Oh you mindfucking bitch! This is what I hate about you. Because of you, I’m being judged on my weakest performances and you’re threatening some of my best work with exposure.
H: What do you mean? Dude when did I try to put you down? I like to carry everyone with me. Ask Feminism or Denial for that matter. Not because they are my distant cousins but wherever they go, I support them. Even your cousin Misogyny never complained. Hate is a strong word. I resent this allegation.
P: There you go again. You mean to tell me, while I made genuine progress and established myself in Bollywood, today all of a sudden you are going to risk all that just so you can save some of your minions in politics? Just look at all that I have done, the item numbers, the overly sexualised content of movies where the woman is always objectified, even movies on Female icons have them being shown as beautiful women, loyal to their husbands. Do all those count for nothing?
H: They do count, you’ve done some great work in Bollywood but see right now, you need to be thrown under the bus for the sake of the agenda.
P: What agenda? Tell me so even I know what the fuck is goin’ on.
H: I cant go into details but, we all have to make sure the entertainment industry survives this current assault by those idiots in the media and those sanghi, chaddi, dirty decolonized Indians.
P: Don’t you have minions in media? Cant you give it a political spin so that our work is not exposed?
H: I do but as of late they have really not been doing well. One of my favourite ones has stopped going to the studio altogether and he looks like the ulcers have eaten away his intestines. We tried the political thing but it didn’t catch on. There is a new brand of journalism people like, they call me out every day. I hate them.
P: When you say “we all have to make sure”, who all are you talkin’ about?
H: Me, you, my cousin Denial, I also got word sent out to Casuistry and a few others. The usual suspects.
P: But why pin this Rhea thing on me?? No heads up, nothing, just out of the blue, boom! Wtf man? Now all the focus is on the Hindu society. This debate will go all the way back to Ramayan,Mahabharata,Agni Pariksha and Draupadi. How do I even prove that yes, I was present then and I’m here now?
H: Haha. I know. But it all happened very quickly. My minions in media found out that Rhea was about to be called for questioning and that the press would be there, so a perp walk was the best time to go with the usual “abla naari” technique and pin it on the dirty Indian/Hindu society.
P: Man I envy you. When I look at your minions, without any hesitation putting up slogans about me, while they themselves use curse words which are all due to me. You ever stop to think, all those curse words in every language, whether its motherfucker, bitch, whore, cunt, puta, putain, BC, MC, BTC all are targeting the women, I made sure of that. But do I get any credit for that? And to see your feminist,woke,LGBTQIA+,liberal minions using the same curse words as a symbol of empowerment, man some days I feel like there is no justice in this world.
P: All these years, these same minions of yours, have been staring at the screen like junkies, watching stuff where I clearly rule and now they throw me under the bus. You remember Game of Thrones? So much of that show was about the male heir. Every episode had a patrilineal element in it. We even had a Battle of the Bastards. Its because of me that you dont see a woman driving along with guys in Formula1, I certainly had a role in making Hilary lose, the viewership of WNBA & other female sport leagues is so little, you could say that women don’t deserve a league at all. I do so much, but this is how you treat me?
H: Don’t despair, there will be a tomorrow.
P: How the fuck can you be so optimistic? You have put me in a place where I cant escape from. This issue with Rhea has nothing to do with me. Please understand, whether it was Rhea or his sisters, it was women who were in control of his life. If he was depressed, it was probably rooted in his mother’s untimely death. Even in that dance reality show, he had a performance centered around him missing his mother, its for everyone to see. Do you even see any guys in the equation? But you gotta blame the invisible men and their choking grip on society and media narratives in order to shield your fuckin minions who not only employ my methods, but also use the services of cousin Misogyny.
H: I don’t know what you’re talking about.
P: One of the finest finished products my cousin Misogyny ever came up with is Honey Singh. You remember his path breaking debut work? Ch**t Vol.1. Ring any bells?
H: I don’t like this line of questioning.
P: Of course. Why would you? That dude after all that he said/sang/rapped about was the flavour of these Bollywood people for a good 3-4 years. But did anyone see your ugly face at that time? No. Nobody. Not a single person called you out. Your minions clicked selfies with him, danced to his shit, had him perform at their annual ego feeding festivals they call award shows and helped him earn a shit load of money.
H: Ok you’re making me uncomfortable.
P: Bitch all I ask for is to be recognized where I’m in a position of strength. My ass has never been so sore. By April, people were saying that instead of covid, I’m the real killer. Something about independent women having to move back with their parents and being forced to live under a patriarchal environment. I was like what the fuck?
P: While all this was going on in India, those idiots in the west dragged me into that Netflix mess. So apparently the series ‘Cuties’ which presents children in an overtly sexualized manner and could encourage paedophilia should be allowed to run and if you object, its because of me?
H: LMAO! Good luck with that!
P: I look at my cousin and its unbelievable how easy he has it going. He’s in everybody’s face in HipHop. He made sure that almost every music video has a jiggling woman’s ass in it. I mean you fucking demolish a woman’s house, you ban a woman’s book, you let people get away with calling women snakes, you don’t even fart an emoji when a female reporter, her old father are harassed by the Police in Kolkata but nobody calls him out. Do the two of you have a secret deal or something I don’t know about?
H: I know this is not the right time to say it but I’ve always liked Misogyny more than you. I’m sorry.
P: This explains a lot.
H: Don’t take it personally, see its very simple. It’s a lot easier to have people’s attention diverted to you because you are very vague and one can keep people busy with you as it is all very subjective. If I say its Patriarchy, another person can say its not and the debate goes on. Misogyny does not have that luxury. I feel bad for him. You cant hide him, with Misogyny, the way he manifests himself, there is no wiggle room. Just look at Misogyny’s minions like Sanjay Raut on Kangana, Azam Khan on Jaya Prada, Mulayam Singh Yadav on rapists, Rashid Alvi on Smriti Irani, Bhim Army Chief on random girls on twitter, Maulanas on Shazia Ilmi during that whole nightmare of a triple talak period and later during the Tableeghi fiasco calling female news anchors B&D etc. So please understand why everyone has been throwing you under the bus. If it weren’t for my minions and I, Misogyny would be long dead.
P: That sucks.
H: I know how you feel.
P: I have one question though. Aren’t you afraid that these constant, unwarranted attempts to pin everything on the Hindu society might come back and bite you in the ass in the future? Because the way it looks right now, this is only motivating those guys, to inquire more about their original culture and practices. Are you willing to bear the sole responsibility for the downfall for all of us? Because I’m pretty sure, Casuistry is not very pleased with you either. These Hindus have launched a serious manhunt for History. If they find her, that will automatically kill Casuistry and with that make life very difficult for you,me, Denial, Misogyny, Feminism, everybody.
H: Shut the fuck up you piece of shit. How many times do I have to say that I don’t want to hear nothing about that whore?
P: I’m telling you its not just in India, but Hindus living in America are also a part of that search and although the Marxist minions did a very good job in getting rid of History and buried her deep, if her remains are found, it could make our life here very unpleasant and maybe just threaten our very existence in this part of the world.
H: Fuckkk youuuuuuuuuu!!!! I’m never leaving this place. I like the sun. I hate fuckin snow and grey coloured buildings of the west.
P: I’m just saying, we might have to pack up one day.
H: Over my dead body.
P: Ok, whatever.
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